Somebody once told me “never go to your boss with questions, always go with answers”. As I was arguing on the phone recently with my motorcycle repair shop’s jerky service manager it occurred to me th
at the same advice applies to negotiating with people about money , services or any other issue needing fixing. Basically, if you give people options rather than just simply complain and demand your way you are more likely to be happy with the results.
You see humans are a competitive species. Our very evolution is proof that we don’t like to lose. When you disagree with anybody there are more elements at play than the essential rightness or wrongness of the issue. Emotion, ego, weather and even the mustard stain on your shirt can all cloud things and serve to influence any conflict. If you complain and don’t tell the person what you want them to do to fix the problem you will go around in circles and end up nowhere. If you raise a problem then demand your way, the only out for the other person is to lose and nobody likes to feel like the loser. I find the best thing to do when you have a problem with a product or service is to do the following:
- Clearly state your problem or issue
- State what you expect the other party to do to fix the situation
- Offer an alternative choice or two that you might be willing to live with.
If you demand your way and offer other solutions which you could live with you are giving the person a way out of letting you win. You are subliminally painting in their mind the other options besides giving you your way. The thing is none of those options include “no”. With options they can give in and feel like neither of you completely won or lost.
In my case the mechanic promised not to charge me for something he did which I didn’t need done then when I got the bill he forgot about the promise and charged me anyway. I didn’t notice until I got home and reviewed the bill. I don’t think he forgot, I think he made a mistake and giving me my money back would entail him explaining to his boss that he screwed up. My approach was to call him and state my case to which he predictably acted like a jerk about because well, he is a jerk. I then told him I wanted a full refund and if that wasn’t possible I would accept a store credit or else be forwarded to the general manger to discuss options with him.
The reason I could accept a store credit is that I know I will need to have an oil change and service done in a month anyway. If he denied at least the store credit I would have never gone back and written a letter to the general manager explaining why and I told him that. He ended up giving me the credit rather than have me go to his boss and never come back. He sort of won because I didn’t get a refund but who cares, I get my money back in a month with the credit on service.
This advice can help you with your mechanic, boss, boyfriend or girlfriend or professors. The next time you have an issue that you need somebody to correct, try being clear about the issue and solution as you see it. Then paint the possible responses for them by defining alternative solutions. Odds are they will grab one of those and walk away feeling like they won. You just have to try not to smile until they’re gone.
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