Psychology to Help You Negotiate with Jerks
Somebody once told me “never go to your boss with questions, always go with answersâ€. As I was arguing on the phone recently with my motorcycle repair shop’s jerky service manager it occurred to me th
at the same advice applies to negotiating with people about money , services or any other issue needing fixing. Basically, if you give people options rather than just simply complain and demand your way you are more likely to be happy with the results.
You see humans are a competitive species. Our very evolution is proof that we don’t like to lose. When you disagree with anybody there are more elements at play than the essential rightness or wrongness of the issue. Emotion, ego, weather and even the mustard stain on your shirt can all cloud things and serve to influence any conflict. If you complain and don’t tell the person what you want them to do to fix the problem you will go around in circles and end up nowhere. If you raise a problem then demand your way, the only out for the other person is to lose and nobody likes to feel like the loser. I find the best thing to do when you have a problem with a product or service is to do the following:
- Clearly state your problem or issue
- State what you expect the other party to do to fix the situation
- Offer an alternative choice or two that you might be willing to live with.
If you demand your way and offer other solutions which you could live with you are giving the person a way out of letting you win. You are subliminally painting in their mind the other options besides giving you your way. The thing is none of those options include “noâ€. With options they can give in and feel like neither of you completely won or lost.
In my case the mechanic promised not to charge me for something he did which I didn’t need done then when I got the bill he forgot about the promise and charged me anyway. I didn’t notice until I got home and reviewed the bill. I don’t think he forgot, I think he made a mistake and giving me my money back would entail him explaining to his boss that he screwed up. My approach was to call him and state my case to which he predictably acted like a jerk about because well, he is a jerk. I then told him I wanted a full refund and if that wasn’t possible I would accept a store credit or else be forwarded to the general manger to discuss options with him.
The reason I could accept a store credit is that I know I will need to have an oil change and service done in a month anyway. If he denied at least the store credit I would have never gone back and written a letter to the general manager explaining why and I told him that. He ended up giving me the credit rather than have me go to his boss and never come back. He sort of won because I didn’t get a refund but who cares, I get my money back in a month with the credit on service.
This advice can help you with your mechanic, boss, boyfriend or girlfriend or professors. The next time you have an issue that you need somebody to correct, try being clear about the issue and solution as you see it. Then paint the possible responses for them by defining alternative solutions. Odds are they will grab one of those and walk away feeling like they won. You just have to try not to smile until they’re gone.
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wow this is really helpful.
yes, The Rules of Fair Fighting, Stating One’s Beef then characterize for the particular situation and speaking in the third person is always a good way to diffuse or not start a fuse, (jic).
Ah, the golden rule rules! Give ‘m an out when so they don’t feel cornered and need to fight.
This is what articles should carry.
thanks for the advice!!
APPRECIATE THE TIP
I find it hard to get through to jerks, but I really don’t let the pressure bother me, because it’s probally not their fault why the are a jerk.
you are absolutely right
this is quite interesting
Next time I feel confused, I will definitely ask questions, even if it might be embarassing to do so.
You have to have common sense when it comes to dealing with certain situations
Is common sense something you have to be born with right on time with the advice.
I found this information helpful dealing with difficult people.
I always ask more then one person for the right answer. Great advice when you are dealing with people
I am an “ask before everything” person!
Great Information.
wow awesome article
GREAT IDEA. I WILL TRY THIS NEXT TIME.
good advice
This advice can be used in several situtions. For instace, i am currently in the process of purchasing a car to get me back and forth during college. As many people know, purchasing anything is hard wile in college, esecially when you plan to take out a loan to do so. This situaion has me stressed to my boiling point, and a lot of negotiating is required for my personal satisfaction along with the satisfaction of my parents and the dealer. Instead of demanding what i think is the correct amount i should borrow/pay, or the answer i should recieve form my parents, i will now go about my situation in an entirly different way. The powers of negotiation.
THIS MUST TAKE A LOT OF PATIENCE TO BE ABLE TO PUT UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS.
When people give me their word, I expect them to stand by it. People make mistakes all the time, but they should be honorable enough to admit their errors and correct them.
this is practical advice indeed
Great advice I would always ask a lot og questions
there are many questions i want to ask regarding this matter.